"Tact is the knack of making a point without making an enemy."
-- Isaac Newton
This is easier said than done, especially when dealing with emotional people and situations. Often I just say nothing at all, but later daydream about what I could/should have said. Other times, I try to make a tactful point, but end up inadvertently offending the other person. One thing in my favor is that I rarely fly off the handle and vent wildly. What do you think/do?
Silence trumps all. The only problem here is that so few are a master of silence and so many believe themselves a master of words. I have most often come to regret not the words that I spoke, but that I spoke at all.
There is no harm in trying to make your point but what is most commonly clear is that all minds, as it regards the truth, are already made up before you even begin to speak. So, with that in mind, be tactful always and be mindful not of what you are saying but of what is being heard.
There is wisdom both in words and in silence but the wisdom of silence is far more pronounced.
Don't know Lucinda..."To Speak the Truth, Tactfully"(?). It smacks of 'Politics' to me. And an Artform perfected by so called 'SpinDoctors' which amounts sometimes to 2 initials... I think/believe Art should be sincere (sometimes, brutally so). Whether on print or canvas. And if you are going to 'talk the talk',, of course, you should have 'walked the walk'.
"Silence is Golden"...yes. Afterall, the 'Eternal' knows no language. It existed before its (language's) creation. And is our tie with the 'Sublime'...at least I believe/pray so. Sometimes, experience so... During Meditation.
There was an Art Poster some years ago posted all over town it stated:
Silence= Death (it made me think, anyway)
On the internet, no one can punch you in the face for being a jerk. As well, the internet provides a sort of time buffer -- if you think of the perfect rejoinder later in the day, 9 times out of 10 you can go back and add it to the conversation. Therefore ill-considered speech flourishes on the internet like fungus in a damp bath towel left on the locker room floor.
In real life, one must take into consideration that the reverse is true: If you offend someone by your speech, things could take an unpleasant turn and you could end up with a bloody nose; and, if you think of the best comeback hours later, you're out of luck. Since I'm used to being around folks who are pretty rough around the edges in so-called "real life," I have a built-in -- or rather, heavily conditioned, I guess I should say -- survival mechanism which will not permit me to say the first, or even the second, thing that pops into my head; my witty rejoinders mostly go unheard by others in real life, as evidenced by the fact that I'm still alive.
But then the internet came along, and provided me with an inexhaustible supply of neebs who are totally asking for it. Someone up there must like me. :D
Hell... have to agree, Kristi.
I, for better or worse, perhaps because of who I am and what I have done and do for a living, and also in writing workshops, tend to honest and direct. My aim is to never hurt anyone but to help them, when it is asked of me. I'm a bad liar, the words come out false, flattery is not my strong suit. But if I sense that a person is too vulnerable or too dangerous to hear the truth, I say nothing. Silence can be golden and safe. But I feel it is our duty to speak our truth, especially if we have knowledge or wisdom to impart. Why lie to someone just to make them feel good? We are doing them a great disservice I think. I rarely regret the words I speak as I try not to speak out of anger or strong emotion that might color my thoughts and words erroneously. Though since I am human, I have had my moments, I must admit. But I am not too proud to apologize either if I have been out of bounds. That's just how it is for me.
you are 100% right but the problem with each of us is we cant stay silent and if we do so the person who is angry or will be more offended that ur not replying
This is a question that i want to be answered from my own since a long till now m not succeed
Cheryl, as much as I admire the wisdom of those who assert that remaining silent is the best thing to do in many situations, I was hoping that someone would come down on the side of speaking the truth in an "honest and direct" fashion, and was hoping that you would weigh in. I agree 100% with you, both about remaining silent when dealing with someone who is fragile or vulnerable, and about being careful not to speak out when in an emotional state. Unfortunately, it is when we feel or believe something passionately that we most want to speak out, so it's not always easy to refrain. Knowing when to speak and when to remain silent takes discernment and wisdom, and sometimes I fall short in that area. Like you, I have sometimes lacked the self-control or wisdom to discern when it is best to keep quiet, but have not been to proud to apologize. Unfortunately, a fragile or vulnerable or emotionally unbalanced person is not always able to forgive and forget very readily, so we do pay a price for the words we speak and must live with the fact that there is no way to take them back.
An excellent reply and, quite honestly, I think the truest answer of all is, and always will be, entirely up to the individual. As something of a recluse, it is only too easy for me to say that silence is easy but would we even have a country if someone didn't speak up and demand a new truth. Some people must speak out, at all costs and some of those people are even mentally and spiritually equipped to do so. Well, those people are to be envied. Silence is not the best answer in all situations but, as I once read, (and I don't have the author's name handy), "When in doubt, don't!"
That, I suppose, is as good an answer as any. Passion should never be withheld. But if you are only "sort of" sure of the truth that you think you speak, silence might better suit the moment.
If I have something to say - I will say it honestly and openly and without regret. To me, there is no greater way to be tactful than to be wholly truthful.
Every word we say affect the person who hears us and as we are fragile beings in our deep hidden subconsciouses, we are affected and transformed by these utterances; to create a more sophisticated and mature society it would be the best to be tactful. Communication is a thing we learn, either from birth or as we grow. It is not the process of saying whatever we think in our minds, I think.